Sunday, October 17, 2010

Are you the One?

"Don't put all of your eggs in one basket"

That's the advice I've been given over the years regarding men and relationships.  The logic behind this advice is that you'd be foolish investing your time in one person, when you have no idea whether or not they're worth it.  When he f*cks up, then you will have backup and never have to deal with his B.S.  Basically, you're using "multiple eggs in one basket" as a preemptive strike to ease the pain of getting hurt or to avoid the pain all together.  Ultimately, you eventually hope to find "The One" and u can drop all but one egg, and live in Hollywood romantic bliss!

Back to Reality

Can this pain really be avoided?  I've tried the multiple men at one time thing, and, regardless of how many men I was dealing with it still hurt when dude #1 stopped calling and I begrudgingly called dude #2 just to have something to do.  It also didn't feel so good when I dated one guy, and knew he didn't call me that night because Wednesdays were reserved for "Stacey". 

The question I've always asked myself was, does dating more than one person at a time just dilute your interest in all of them and end up making NONE of them special?  how can you really be sure if you like someone wholeheartedly, if you're only investing minimal energy in them? Example:

Jason meets Girl # 1 first, who is beautiful, intelligent, and fun.  He dates her for a week, likes her, but wants to take it slow.  Next, Jason runs into Girl # 2 who has the same qualities as #1, but has "something" about her that supposedly makes her stand out.  Eventually, Jason starts calling girl #1 less and doesn't take her out as much.  All the while he is taking Girl #2 to the Opera, his mom's house, and the backseat of his jeep.  Girl #1 is eventually supposed to take the hint that Jason is not that into her, while he and Girl #2 are moving in to their new apt.

Now, did Jason really "find the one", or did he just CHOOSE who the one was for him was based on the amount of energy he put into her? could he have had the same outcome with Girl # 1 if he took her to the opera too, and never even gave Girl #2 the time of day? what, then, happens to all the Girl # 1's who are lead  to believe the guy was interested, then left by the wayside without any explanation?

Is the notion of "The One" just a Hollywood myth or does it have more to do with choices than fate?


  1. There is nothing wrong with having more than one egg in your basket..until it comes back to bite you (Karma). When trying to find "The One" you have to weed through a lot of individuals before you find them. You do have to remember what goes around comes if you don't want stuff you do to hit you then dealing with one person at a time is not that's all how you handle it. In your scenario girl #1 and #2 have the same qualities but #2 stands out a little more. That does not mean that #1 needs to change anything about herself it was just the guy knew what he wanted and choose to be with #2. Things happens for a reason and that may not have been the right person for #1.

    Give life some time things get easier when you know who you are and what you want. I'm not saying that you don't know who you are or you don't know what you want but everyone is different and what a guy might like in you one week could change in by the next day. As long as you are strong and know that everyone is different and have their own way of thinking you will be able to look at that guy in the scenario and move on with your life without batting an eye!!

    Love the reference to "Hollywood"

  2. This is a really good. I enjoyed the scenario to really bring it to life and give me a better understanding of the way life works. I think personally it is hard to find the one when there are so many so I think in this example he just choose one because of the options that he had. I dont really think people find the one because they still have to make the choice of choosing to allow this person to get closer to you. In any situation I don't know if its wise to put all eggs in one basket. Its a tough decision to make but as Olmec from Legends of the Hidden always said "the choice is yours and yours alone."

  3. @ anonymous...yea I chose to reference Hollywood because I feel that it sells us the idea of finding the one and happily ever after, but ignores the harsh reality that despite who you meet, no ones ever gonna be a "perfect" fit and you will always have some kind of problems with anyone you're in a relationship...that's why I question "the one" in the first place...but you def hit the nail on the head when you said "its all how you handle it"...if you choose to date multiple ppl, you still have to be responsible and give some one who you're no longer interested in some closure before moving on with someone else.

  4. For those of us that do not let the media, Hollywood, and society dictate our lives we know the true reality of life. Life is not fair and neither is realtionships. In realtionships people do not see that giving the other the person a choice is the right thing to do. Women think with their emotions and men simply do not. It would be nice if a person dating mutliple people would let one know that they are no longer interested but that could be an emotional mistake for some. If a guy told you that he did not want to see you anymore what would be the first thing that goes through your head? What's wrong with me why does he not want me? Sometimes people do not feel like answering those questions when there really is not anything wrong with you they just decided to go a different route. But it does bother some people not knowing a specific reason other than it's just not going to work.

    Do you live in a "Hollywood" world?

  5. Honestly, when I don't hear from them, thats when i start with the questions "what's wrong with me?" because it leaves everything so open-ended and you're imagination then proceeds to create all kinds of crazy scenarios. I definitely would rather someone tell me than not, and I think that is where guys get it wrong most of the time because they think they are "doing you a favor" by not hurting you're feelings and being honest, which I think is a very misguided sentiment.

    Now I understand the reality of relationships, but I can't pretend that "Hollywood" or "the media" hasn't guided my thinking for a large part of my life, or at least provided some sort of frame work for what the "ideal" relationship is supposed to look like. I still have the notion, somewhat of marriage and happily ever after, but looking at the reality of marriage... I'm not sure anymore...but that's a whole different blog post! lol

  6. Just remember that if a guy starts to pull away from you - "he was not meant to be a part of your life" - and that's a good thing (no drama). You may or may not ever find the right realtionship - but as long as you stay true to yourself and know who you are it's their lost. Easier said than done. You never know the right one might be asking you tomorrow "can you spare some change"! Just joking! Good Luck!

    Can't wait for your next post.

  7. Hi. Thanks for writing this. First, let me say that the idea of “The One” is not a Hollywood myth. However, I will say the concepts to find “The One” is a Hollywood myth. The idea of “true love” and “romance” has been distorted by not only Hollywood, but by society in general. As humans, we crave the perfect relationship, and the drama that happens around that perfect relationship, and we are taught to concentrate on those entities rather than the gut feeling associated with “The One”. As for dating more than one guy at a time, hell no, there is nothing wrong with it. However, you must be emotionally ready to handle any situation that can come your way. If you know you are girl number 1 or number 2 don’t be surprised if you are not getting as many phone calls as you had hoped. Take the relationship for what it is and go from there.

  8. @ Tip of the Tongue ..I agree with you for the most part however, I don't think you can truly prepare yourself for someone to disappoint you. I don't think you can tell yourself "okay, they're is another girl involved, so I won't let it get to me." you can't talk yourself out of an emotion, at some level its still gonna suck to have someone who once was so into you...stop being so into you. My point is that whether you're dating one person or multiple people, you still have an equal opportunity of getting hurt. Neither situation is emotionally "safer" for you to experience. Although, that shouldn't stop you from putting yourself out there.

    My issue is that people say "I'm dating numerous people because you always need backup, and who knows if I'm choosing the right guy?" when I translate that into "I don't want to get hurt, so let me try and provide an emotional cushion for me to land on just in case someone hurts me.."