Thursday, October 21, 2010

Is Waiting to Have Sex Worth It?

...As a female I always had the notion that my "goodies" were something to be protected from the onslaught of testosterone driven men that were only after me for one thing, and one thing only.  It was only the worthy man that would eventually gain access to my nether regions, the one who wanted me for ME.

two problems with this notion : (1) The implication that ONLY males are capable of lusting after someone for pure sexual pleasure (2) How can you really know if you are only lusting after someone, until your lust is satisfied?

My point is, it doesn't matter how long you wait to have sex, nor does it really matter --not necessarily in terms of physical health-- IF you have sex.  It is only when you add emotions into the equation that sex really means nothing more than an act of pure physical enjoyment.  For example:

Couple A represents a long-term committed relationship:  Girl meets Boy.  Girl likes boy, but nothing serious.  After 3 weeks they have sex, and continue to have a sexual relationship even though the feelings are not quite developed yet.  During this entire period, they do not go out on any official dates.  2 months later, Boy asks Girl to be his official girlfriend, and the two enjoy a long and healthy relationship (dates and all!).

Couple B represents a short-term dating/"unofficial" relationship.  Boy meets Girl.  Boy compliments Girl's physical appearance all the time, calls her sexy, and tells her how much he likes her.  He aggressively pursues Girl by texting her everyday and taking her out on romantic dates.  Girls is VERY attracted to Boy, but decides to wait until 3 weeks to have sex with him, because she considers herself a "respectful" girl. From then on they continue a sexual relationship, but Boy begins to hit Girl up less and less, until he finally just disappears without any explanation.

Now, in both scenarios, the Girl waits to sleep with her love interest for 3 weeks , and both situations have dramatically different outcomes.  Alot of females say that you can never get a guy to really like you unless you wait to have sex.  I've also heard females say they don't want to have sex because they're afraid to get emotionally attached.  Ummm...I don't think that its possible to suddenly develop deep feelings for someone you don't even know right after you sleep with them, but I could be wrong.

It can be argued that by waiting to have sex with someone, then you can take the time to get to know them without sex clouding your mind.  However, in my experience, even if you take this time, whether it be 6 months, 12 months, or 2 yrs, sex doesn't dramatically change how someone is going to feel about you.  In my opinion, it is false to think that sex creates emotions, I think its the other way around.  Emotions are the catalyst for sex, whether they are feelings of lust or love.  so....

Is waiting to have sex really worth it??


  1. I have to agree with you SEX does not change how one feels about one person but it can enhance the feelings. Sex should not be the main factor that determines whether someone wants to be with a person.
    I think there is no right or wrong answer here because having sex with someone whether its sooner or later will have a outcome that is not controlled by the sex but by the motives that were predetermined. Because I have never heard a story that someone wanted to be with someone all of a sudden because of the sex. If that is the case I would assume that they already had feelings for the person and the sex enhanced it for them. But for people to decide to hold out on sex or have it soon is all a personal choice. Also a gamble if looking for something more even if the outcome is not one both desired.

  2. HELL TA THE NO!!!! lol In most cases... I've tried it and you may think getting to know that person's mind and not body will help u know the "body" by the time it happens but... NOPE lol Anyone could be bad in that area no matter how long you wait. I'm jus sayin from experience. And some of my friends have waited til marriage and that was just kind of a disappointment to them. They just weren't what they expected them to be. Mos def if she wasn't a virgin and has had better.

  3. Well said @ hasmeef..@ trish thats true as well..loving them mentally doesn't mean that the sex will be good ..although i do believe the more u care about someone the more effort you make into trying to tailor the sexual experience specific to the two of you..and it'll eventually get better..but i digress..

    You guys sound like you're both saying that sex is not automatically linked to an emotional connection. So is there any merit to the "wait until you have a connection" argument? I'd like to hear a strong argument for that case.