Sunday, December 12, 2010

Facebook Spies

The phone rings at 2 am. You're wondering who's calling you at such a late hour, and then one of your closest friend's names pops up on the screen.  You answer praying that she's okay, when she tells you she just found (insert boo's name here) chatting it up with his ex-girlfriend on Facebook, and its all over his page!

We've all heard stories like these before.  Some unsavory behavior is discovered on Facebook after you or a friend went through tagged photos, wall-to-wall comments, picture comments and friends of friends pages, until you find something--that "a-ha! I knew it!" moment that you will confront your S/O about when he/she gets home.

But does all this Facebook spying relieve relationship anxiety or worsen it?

I was discussing this same issue with one of my good friends recently. Her argument was that if you have a gut feeling that your man is doing something you don't like, then its okay to snoop on him. My argument was that if he gives you a bad feeling, it doesn't matter whether you have spied or not, you already lost your trust.  If you spy, find something you don't like, but stay in the relationship then why does it even matter.  It only really matters if you leave or change the boundaries of the relationship.

If you are the type that MUST  know everything in order to feel sane, then doesn't that mean you cannot trust your partner?  Trust implies that you don't need evidence that your man is doing the right thing, you already assume he is.  

So then what happens to those who trust their partner but have Facebook proof that they shouldn't be so trusting?  Say, for instance, you have an issue with your boyfriend drinking, but then find  an incriminating Facebook photo of him at a party with an empty shot glass in front of him and eyes that look foggy and glazed over.

If he was indeed drinking, do you leave him or give him a reprimand and stay with him?
Do you even confront him about the photo and just trust that he wasn't drinking and assume that it was someone else's drink in front of him?

Are you guilty of Facebook Spying?


  1. Let me start of by saying that I am not much of a fan of FACEBOOK. But I do use it for reconnecting with people and networking if need be. Other than that I do not use it. But I have heard the term FACEBOOK stalk which I know people who do that on a daily or occasionally for reasons such as just to find a person, look at someone’s pictures to see what they are doing or personal pleasure. The ultimate stalking that I hear about is people in relationships having everyone and their grandma looking at what the partner is doing. The crazy thing is when the person in the relationship has a friend become the partner’s friend so they can spy and report. I think it is ridiculous that people who to go through these measures to find out information. But the other odd thing is people know that FACEBOOK gets them in trouble and people still make dumb mistakes. I think people take it too far when they go and read others comments just to see what they were talking about and read into it to deep. I feel like people who have to go through all the trouble of spying means they do not trust their partner or they just want to know every little thing their partner does. I personally don't like it but FACEBOOK is a social network for the public so it is allowed. I can go on forever baby. But I am proud to say I am not guilty of FACEBOOK Spying.

  2. yes hasmeef, that's a good point you make is that people still do dumb stuff on facebook, knowing that their s/o or other people like their bosses will see it. Why do you think that is? is there some kinda thrill that people get off on by knowingly puttin their ish out there on FB...then pretending to be surprised and/or angry when ppl find out?...interesting

  3. I think people get caught in the moment and we live in a world that is about popularity and attention. So even though people know what FACEBOOK does that does not stop them from making the same mistake. I wish I could answer the question but it’s one of those things that the world may never know. It’s like FACEBOOK is public journal that people put private info in and expect that others will not intrude. SYKE well I guess they were wrong. People should not be surprised when their information is read. I think people do it for the attention or they enjoy unnecessary drama.